I'm in trouble now.

You'll have to forgive the formatting issues I've been having lately. I've been posting by email, and it hasn't really been working very well. All my email accounts impose their own formatting. Only Hotmail will follow the blog formatting, but it adds the stupid add banners to the bottom of each post. So I can't win, but I keep posting by email because it's easier and I keep hoping that I will eventually figure out how to make it work. We'll see what happens.

So as I said in the title, I'm in trouble now. SLou has been telling me about my pizza cooking 3 year old, but I hadn't seen it in action. He told me last night that he was really hungry and wanted pizza. (Which is his new obsession, and not even the good kind. He like the Totino's Party Pizzas.) I told him to wait and I would make one for him as soon as I was done teaching one student. (30 min.) Well, evidently it was an excruciatingly long time for a almost 3 year old to wait. About 15 minutes later, I heard the oven door close.

Bolting up the stairs, I ran into the kitchen to find a frozen pizza placed directly on the rack in the center of the oven just like it was supposed to be. Thankfully, he hadn't climbed up to turn the oven on yet. He at least knows not to climb on the oven door. However, he was supposed to be watching "Over the Hedge". Instead he grabs a chair, pulls a frozen pizza out of the freezer. Removes it from its box and plastic wrap and places it in the oven. I was nice and started the oven for him and told him to stay out of the kitchen while I finished up with my student.

When did my little boy become so independent? Not just independent, but he doesn't worry about whether he is capable of doing things. He just goes for it and most of the time accomplishes what he sets out to do as well as any child could. Yet, he still asks for help when he needs it. While this scares the &#$@! out of me sometimes, I don't want to squash this independent spirit out of him because he will need it. It took me almost 3 decades to find mine again and I want him to never lose it.

Tim Tebow - Right to Life

In the spirit of the Super Bowl, were going to talk about this person, Tim Tebow:

He and his mother will be the stars of a very controversial TV add during the Super Bowl. Now I know that I am a little late getting on the bandwagon here, as this will come as no surprise to most people out there. It's been in the works for months. However, it was just approved by CBS to run so it hit the news again. He will star in an add advocating anti-abortion and pro-life stances. Though the actual add has not been revealed, it is thought that his mother will share the story of his birth and her decision not to abort. It has been described as not being overtly political and simply a heart-warming story of over-coming the odd. However, anything that attacks the pro-choice agenda tends to be the 600 lbs. gorilla in the room even if it only touches on the subject. I have read quite a bit of the criticism, that a budding public figure shouldn't take such controversial stances on thing. However, this stand is becoming more and more accepted.

Personally, I wish him good luck. It is good to see someone standing for something in this world. There is so much pressure to live and let live. Declaring that you have standards and a belief that standards are good and necessary only infuriates those that don't. I personally think the hatred generated is more from guilt that many feel about their stand to not have such high standards. They feel threatened that they will not have the "freedom" to make bad choices. I'm not sure this is their conscious thought, but rather that voice inside of them telling them they are transgressing the laws of God. People are spiritually the offspring of God, it makes sense that part of them would want to speak out about bad choices. However, I think it is more sad that they choose not to listen to that voice.

Just for good measure, here is one more picture. Tim has become known for his eye black scripture verses. This one is particularly appropriate not just to this post but to the theme of my blog posts lately.
For those that can't read it or don't want to go look it up - Ephesians 2: 8-10 -For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

In All Things

I was reading a post over at By Common Consent titled A Confession. I was both moved and disturbed by this post. Moved because it expressed a genuine question and interest in why some experiences that are intensly spiritual for some and not for others. Specifically it was about temple worship that we are told by many that we should be deeply moved by. I was disturbed because of what it meant. In the church there is often peer pressure to act and feel a certain way. If you don't see the temple, testimony meeting, relief society centerpieces or any other number of things the same way the mormon cultural norm does, you are somehow not as holy. So we all conjour the tears or say the right things, but inside we know its all for show.

I have to applaud the post at BCC, because someone finally spoke out and said essentially, "I don't necessarily find this importan thing all that spiritual." Quite frankly there is nothing wrong with this. Alma said, all things denote there is a God. In reality, we are all different. God has so many ways of speaking to each of us. We should not ignore something that helps us spiritually just because it doesn't fit the cultural norm.

I personally have found great spiritual lessons in things that have nothing to do with the church itself. In the end, it is all about our relationship directly with God. It matters not where we find Him, simply that we find him. So the next time the Relief Society center piece doesn't move you to tears, either because of its great spirituality or absurdity, don't worry there are plenty of other things that can bring you closer to God.

Purpose of Existence

I was reading through my blog list yesterday and saw an interesting entry from Dr. Laura about continuously challenging ourselves. The basic idea is that we should always be working toward something because it gives us purpose to life. She was going to take up Bocce Ball because someone had given her a set and it was a new challenge. This brought me back to my thoughts yesterday. Our purpose in life is simply to work on improving ourselves. Having weaknesses to overcome gives us a purpose and something to work for. God knew this. He gave us our weaknesses as gifts not only to help us have faith in him and his power to help us overcome, but to give us something to work for. We must never lose hope in life when facing trials or our own weaknesses, they are simply our chances to learn more.

However, how does this philosophy extend to the eternities? Brigham Young once said, " We are in the school and keep learning, and we do not expect to cease learning while we live on earth; and when we pass through the veil, we expect still to continue to learn and increase our fund of information. That may appear a strange idea to some; but it is for the plain and simple reason
that we are not capacitated to receive all knowledge at once. We must therefore receive a little here and a little there (DBY, 91)." In other words, we will never cease learning.

In the Christian world, we tend to have very different ideas about the nature of God than other religions and even other cultures throughout history. The idea of a perfect, unchangeable, omnipotent God that is the same yesterday, today and forever is something that is rather unique to Christendom. Not to say that God is somehow unreliable or fickle in anyway. For he orders the chaos and provides the stability to hold is creations in order. But if constant self-challenge and growth is a principle of eternal happiness, which I believe it is, how does a perfect unchangeable God achieve this? Why even ask the question? Some would consider it blasphemous.

It is not blasphemous, but rather a question to understand ourselves. For we were created in God's image. Growing to understand God is also growing to understand ourselves and our true potential. While not the usual Christian way of understanding God, challenging and questioning the Almighty is something that is found in several cultures. One of my favorite examples is the test from Leonard Bernstein's Symphony No. 3 "Kaddish". Strangely it questions this same subject. Here are some excerpts from the narration of Kaddish:

O, my Father: ancient, hallowed

Lonely, disappointed Father:

Betrayed and rejected Ruler of the Universe:

Angry, wrinkled Old Majesty:

I want to pray.

I want to say Kaddish.

My own Kaddish. There may be

No one to say it after me.

Are you listening, Father? You know who I am:

Your image; that stubborn reflection of You

That Man has shattered, extinguished, banished.

And now he runs free-free to play

With his new-found fire, avid for death,

Voluptuous, complete and final death.

Lord God of Hosts, I call You to account!

You let this happen, Lord of Hosts! .

Tin God! Your bargain is tin!

It crumples in my hand!

And where is faith now-Yours or mine?

O my Father; Lord of Light;

Beloved Majesty: my Image, my Self!

We are one, after all, you and I;

Together we suffer, together exist,

And forever will recreate each other.

Some find it outrageously offensive that someone could question God and blame him for the fall of man and man's nature to run amok. Those that do miss the point of these beautiful passages. Faith is an eternal principle, God must have faith. God created us, but also created us to continue to challenge ourselves and improve ourselves. The answer lies in the final lines, "We are one, after all, you and I; Together we suffer, together exist and forever will recreate each other." As much as God is responsible for our progression and existence, we are what give purpose to His existence. Helping us to grow and realize our true potential is His work and His Glory (Moses 1:39) and that which he wakes up every day to do. Should our purpose be likewise, to lift another and help each other grow? I think so.

Perfection

More and more I realize that we place way too much emphasis on being perfect. We look at our sins and weaknesses as terrible plagues that we have to overcome before we can even commune with God or partake of His goodness. This idea directly contradicts the scriptures. In Ether 12:27 we learn that God gave man his weakness. Why did he give them to us? So he could show his power in making them strengths. Our weaknesses and tendencies toward sin are not Satanic inventions, but rather "Gifts" from God. We are supposed to have them and supposed to deal with them because he gave them to us.

Our weaknesses can be one of the greatest assets we have in drawing near to God. They teach us to be humble and to depend upon the Lord for strength. We still learn the consequences of doing that which is against God's will. This is where, just like Adam and Eve, we learn the difference between good and evil by our own experience. God does not shield us from the consequence of our sins because we would not learn from them. However, he is there to help us overcome them and to learn from them.

One of the most damaging ideas is that we cannot come to God in our weaknesses. When the scriptures state that man cannot be saved in our sins, they are correct. However, many people miss the point of how we are to overcome those sins. It is through the atonement that those sins are expunged through the grace of Jesus Christ. Though we still have weaknesses and problems, we can still be saved through Christ. His perfection can compensate for our own. All he asks is a "broken heart and contrite spirit." Or simply that we recognize our weaknesses and sins and seek his guidance in overcoming them. Once you realize that he does not expect you to overcome your sins on your own and then come to him but rather come as you are, then you find the true Joy in the Gospel.

I think the absolute most damaging part of the selfish quest for perfection first is that it detracts from our real purpose here. We are here to become more Christ like and to learn and acquire the attributes that Christ displays. We are here to do his work. When we become overly obsessed with our own perfection, we start to focus on ourselves instead of others. The greatest commandment is to love God, but the second is not to be perfect. It is to love our neighbor. If we would focus more on serving those around us and learn to accept that Christ will have you as you are, we would find ourselves being more Christ like and our desire to do evil would diminish. Before we know it, our weaknesses would be strengths.

Resolution Update / Goals

Well, I have actually been pretty good on some of my resolutions and not others. I'm not sure if they really are resolutions, or just goals of things I want to accomplish. I usually see a resolution as a lifestyle change. In that way, it could also be a goal. But a goal, in my mind, has a broader definition. It is something I want to accomplish. Such as not drinking pop for a month. That is not really a long term lifestyle change. Which I have been doing very well at. However, I think at 12:01 am on February 1, 2010, I will be sipping (probably guzzling) an ice cold partially frozen coke.

Let's not even talk about the gym. I've been once this year. This is probably more of a resolution. I am trying to set up a life style of frequent exercise. Don't worry. I'm not one of those that gives up after a week or two or three of failure. It just might take a little longer to get into the swing of getting up that early and just going. I love it when I go because I feel so much better.

I was very proud that I finally put together a household budget. Now, I just have to learn how to stick to it. I didn't budget quite enough money for food. We like to eat well. I'll have to make an adjustment for that next month. However, we will definitely be cutting down on the eating out.

My scripture reading has been going very poorly, however, my scripture listening has gone very well. I have only missed one work day and am already to the book of Judges. I am learning why many people avoid the Old Testament. There's a lot of stuff that really is not very important in there, but that is a subject for another post.

I may not be off to a 100% start, but it's better than most years and I am working on the other things. It's just a lot of things to start doing in one month. I think the soda pop thing is going to be an every other month thing with limited use during the other months. I'll cut back, but there is nothing quite as refreshing as a coke.

This is a test!

This is a test of my new email posting system.  I just wanted to see if it really worked to post to this blog by email.

Genesis through Exodus

At the moment I am being very good about listening to the Old Testament. I made it through Genesis, Exodus and part of Leviticus. Genesis is an amazing book of scripture. Once you get past all of the begats, the stories told there are really a staple of religious teaching. I particularly love the story of Joseph. It is really inspiring.

Now Exodus is another matter. It's pretty good with the plagues and such as the Israelites are trying to leave Egypt. However, once you get to Chapter 21 and beyond, it's a bit boring. The movie (The Ten Commandments) made it look a whole lot more interesting and quick. You think Moses just went to get the tablets with the 10 Commandments. No, he got a whole lot more information. It wasn't just the Lord cutting out the tablets and then Moses walking down the mountain with them. The commandments are given in Chapter 20 and Moses doesn't get them until Chapter 31. You ask what is in chapters 21 to 31? An explanation of the commandments and a detailed description of the tabernacle and the offering made there.

The offering and descriptions of how to diagnose Leprosy start out Leviticus. Not real good listening. It makes me wonder how I am going to make it through Numbers.

Resolutions

I guess I could have easily included this with the last post titled Genesis. Genesis is the beginning and as we start the beginning of a new year, many people make resolutions to improve themselves. They really are related. However, this is the first year that I am making formal resolutions that I feel like actually writing down.

1. Finish the Old Testament (see the previous post)

2. Create a budget

3. Actually stick to said budget

4. Workout at least 4 days during the week for at least 30 minutes (hey I bought that gym pass, I might as well use it.)

5. Don't drink pop for a month. (Why not a year? Because I'm addicted. I figure sometime during the year I can manage to go at least one month without pop. I have already been informed by SLou that she will not be joining me in this effort.)

6. Stop using so many parenthetical phrases (I'll start that in a later blog post as I am a terrible procrastinator.)

I know at least on of those is going to fail(don't you think?) before the end of the year.

Genesis

Yesterday I started reading the Old Testament. Something I have never done before. Sure, I've read parts of it, but never cover to cover. It's rather long, archaic and did I mention long, yes and long. I also have it on my iPod, but have never ventured into listening to it. So today, I started listening to it as well.

I finally had an epiphany about the old testament. So much of it is symbolic. Especially the books of Moses. We get stuck in the literal too easily. While it is tempting to discuss the meaning of some of the minutia like "What does it mean that Peleg existed in the day the Earth was divided?" or "There were giants in the Earth" (I could go on, but will resist.) All of these little point that we seem to debate as though they are an actual history, really don't have much to do with the lessons being taught. They may very well be actual history, however, the point of the bible is to teach people to come unto Christ and not necessarily to record the history of the Earth. While the events of Genesis may or may not be how history actually happened, they are allegories meant to teach us. Once I started to listen/read from this perspective, I found it much less confusing. I also find myself asking "What?!?!?!?!" (see the post on interrobangs) a whole lot less often.

Part of my desire is to blog about my experience of reading the old testament. Though, as we know from past experience, I am not that great at consistently blogging. But, I will try to put into words something I learned each day. I think it will help keep me focused. If anyone is reading out there, you should try it with me. It could be fun.